I am lucky, in that this experience has been my first with grief. In my adult life, I have been fortunate enough to not have lost anyone close to me. What this has meant, however, is that I am inexperienced in dealing with the many faces of grief, and I am often surprised by the way it impacts me.
Dark: One of the most frustrating things that grief has done to me, is that it has robbed me of my ability to do. I have always been a multi-tasker, an accomplisher of things. Since losing Clara, I struggle every single day to get things done. Grief has simply robbed me of my focus.
Light: That said, never in my life have I been more grateful. There is nothing like grief to make you wildly thankful for what you have.
Dark: Grief has been like laying out a welcome mat for my anxiety to return. After we lost Clara, I braced myself. I knew that I was experiencing something that was likely to incite my anxiety, and so I was not surprised when it came thundering back into my life.
Light: Grief has created an opportunity for me to help others. By owning and sharing my story in this space, I hope to help other parents who are in a similar situation. Whether they have lost a pregnancy or child, battle a postpartum mood disorder, or just need a reminder that sometimes life is messy, and that’s okay.
It is easy to recognize the dark sides of grief, but being able to see the light in grief is a fairly recent discovery for me. It has been refreshing to realize its existence, and I look forward to finding more of the light.