I have loved words for as long as I can remember knowing any. As a toddler, I talked the ear off any adult unfortunate enough to capture my interest. Unfortunate because toddlers are notoriously bad at reading the social queues which may indicate that a person is not interested in conversation. If we shared a space, chances are, I was talking.
As a teenager, I journaled and wrote music. I have a storage bin filled with composition notebooks from my youth. Each one thick with taped-down clippings, pages covered in prose, poems and lyrics. I wrote and wrote, and talked and talked.
However, I have always spoken and written for no other reason than my own enjoyment. This blog is different though, and the public speaking that I now do is, too. I started this blog after losing Clara, because I knew that writing would be therapeutic. I knew that it would allow me to explore my feelings and I hoped it would help me to bring closure to my pain. There is another reason, though, that you and I are here. I started this blog because I wanted to honor Clara. I started this blog because I wanted to honor all parents who have lost a pregnancy or a child. I started this blog because I wanted to honor all mothers who have experienced postpartum mood disorders. I started this blog because I wanted to honor the pain, and the journey towards growth that follows. I started this blog because I wanted to create a space where we could talk about these messy things; grief, loss, anxiety, depression, without forgetting that we are on a path of growing from them. We are growing despite them. I created this place because grief is isolating. Anxiety is isolating. Depression… isolating. Hell, parenting itself can be pretty damn isolating! I created this blog so that no one would have to feel alone.
So, my dear friend, I created this blog to honor you.
This is our space.
I see you.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for walking with me, on this journey back to growth.